Ghost

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Jumping The Gun… or the toilet, rather.

Friend: We need to talk about Matt. I heard some things from his friends that I’m concerned for you about.

Me: Oh no, really? Is  it about other girls?

Friend: We’ll talk about it after work.

Me: Okay. Now I’m nervous.

So then I proceed directly to the bathroom and throw up (self induced) every bite of sandwhich I just scarfed down.

Friend: Don’t worry so much about it. I’m just worried because they said he is very controlling in a relationship and likes to be his girl friends first priority.

Me: That’s it?

Friend: That and also apparently he feels more for you than he anticipated. That’s why he ignored you.

Me: So he’s not fucking other girls??

Friend: No… I never said that. Don’t put words in my mouth.

Me: I threw up!

Friend: Don’t be so dramatic.

(Source: soweightlessimbreathless)

I talk… U talk over me. I don’t tell… I’m being rude. Wtf

Oh I don’t know how I’m feeling. I feel so caught between myself and my dreams. He’s perfect for me, but wants kids and his own family eventually. A new start for two people. I already have my kids, I can’t have any more. I have my family. The other one would have been perfect for me. He already has kids. We have so much in common. He’s married still, though, and trying to make it work for his kids except for the fact his wife has been having an affair, and now, I fear, we may be, too. I hate this lonliness. I love the attention and love I get from both. This is rediculous how I get these feelings. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way about either person. It was supposed to be fun. And now I have to pretend that nothing is changed when OBVIOUSLY something has. Man #1 will not talk about his feelings. Man #2 does and says “if things were different”.

Oh I don’t know how I’m feeling. I feel so caught between myself and my dreams.

He’s perfect for me, but wants kids and his own family eventually. A new start for two people. I already have my kids, I can’t have any more. I have my family.

The other one would have been perfect for me. He already has kids. We have so much in common. He’s married still, though, and trying to make it work for his kids except for the fact his wife has been having an affair, and now, I fear, we may be, too.

I hate this lonliness. I love the attention and love I get from both. This is rediculous how I get these feelings. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way about either person. It was supposed to be fun. And now I have to pretend that nothing is changed when OBVIOUSLY something has. Man #1 will not talk about his feelings. Man #2 does and says “if things were different”.

(Source: just20secondsofcourage)

Everyone says you’re not fat, but nobody says you’re skinny.

Isn’t this the fucking truth

(Source: sorakiesdiet)

17 Days until we leave for Myrtle

and I feel like a fucking blimp.

Today is Saturday. It is 2:24 om. I’ve had breakfast, I’ve had lunch. Nothing more is allowed in my body. I have a shite ton of laundry to fold tonight after work, so I’ll do that, leg lifts, and some arm work. Possibly plies. Tomorrow after work I’ll have time to hit the gym so I’ll get my cardio then.

People keep telling me that I’m losing weight. That I look good. I don’t feel good though, therefore it’s not true.

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